Neon lights a Nobel prize

Well played, CBC: Rock Band shortages sure to anger gamers.

"...disappointed and angry rock-star wannabes..."
"...bungle..."
"...total crap shoot..."
"...French-packaging requirements..."

The Bret Michaels Band is a bonus track. There were definitely a few people laughing when they signed off on this game. The inclusion of the Stone Roses almost makes it not-so-laughable. Almost.

Society continues to set record lows:
"The newest trend in nightclubs: guitaraoke" [CBC In Depth]


Real Guitar Hero chasers:

Some 200 Greatest Rock Guitar Albums
Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are You Experienced? [audio CD, Toronto Public Library]
Neil Young - Decade [audio CD, Toronto Public Library]
Led Zeppelin - II [audio CD, Toronto Public Library]

What is it good for?...

Here's Edwin Starr (born Charles Hatcher) and the Funk Brothers with this Billboard Hot 100 #1 from August 29 to September 12, 1970, Gordy 7101, "War".




Compare this to the current #1 single, Kiss Kiss, from the talentless hack Chris Brown and featuring the astonishingly pathetic production and icy, soulless, auto-tuned vocals of Mr. T-Pain.

Week by week we continue to see the proof of the devolution of our popular arts... the difference in the two of these songs in musicality, performance and sheer talent on record is nothing short of staggering.

RIP Stylus Magazine

Stylus Magazine is finished as of Wednesday. Sad times for the internet, as we lose one of the best (if not best) music magazines around. I started reading the magazine back in '03, and to some extent it played the anti-Pitchfork, having multiple writers review the same records, comment sections on each article (which were often great realizations of what online discourse is all about), and an attitude towards music that was more music fan/geek than music fan/snob. This magazine will be missed.

The Bluffer's Guide to Stylus

Back from exile

Another unfortunate return of a band in 2007: Matchbox 20 (that is the only way I will write it) releases a greatest hits album this month featuring a couple new songs including "Thanks for the Memories"... I mean... "How Far We've Come". You can practically hear the Fall Out Boys oozing out of the track and leaking all over the rug. The video successfully rips off Linkin Park's formula of mixing performance footage with global history/events in order to give these mediocre talents the emotional buoyancy needed to fool the public.

Digging further, we find the group covers Bowie's "Modern Love" as the b-side to the new single. What a wonderfully brilliant torch-passing, the band paying homage to the now classic single, as they mimic the legendary chameleon in an effort to bolster their own style change and attempt to reconnect to a broad audience.

There was a time, of course, when Rob Thomas and co. were keeping the envelope firmly in the middle-of-the-road rather than playing a desperate game of catch-up. For me, this is the final nail in the coffin for an otherwise inoffensive band that really could have cashed in on the nostalgia factor in another 3 or 4 years. Ironic TV ads, Adam Sandler comedies, student films-turned-viral videos... those sweet royalties and cool factor points were all theirs for the taking. Now they've gone and fucked it up by exhuming the corpse far too early.

No one ever said pop had to be original... though it is becoming clearer these days that the meme has run dry. And now, a quote to illustrate.

From Ghostbusters:

Dr Ray Stantz: Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world.
Winston Zeddemore: Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately is 'cause the dead HAVE been rising from the grave?
Dr Ray Stantz: [Pause ] How 'bout a little music?
Winston Zeddemore: Yeah.

Charting disaster

The awkwardly designated "Soulja Boy" [sic] continues his reign of terror atop the Billboard Hot 100 for the third straight week (and fifth overall). I find it extremely hard to believe that Kanye West can't overtake this guy, leaving one with the impression that the chart is wholly contrived (nah...). How else could a guy without a high school diploma best a guy who just graduated college? It certainly wasn't Mr. Boy's clever wordplay or immaculately produced tracks, though he apparently conjured up the whole mess all by his little self. He's credited with producing most of the tracks on his album, including the follow up to "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" [sic], the imaginatively titled "Soulja Girl" [sic].

Embarrassingly, the AllMusic guide gives the album 3.5/5... instilling in me with a curiosity that I will likely take to the grave.

In other heinous chart debacles, Feist tumbles from #8 to #27. Maybe that fruit company should run some more ads for mp3 players? With the drop, the 'board is left with Nickelback as its Canadian chart-darling... here's hoping 'Rockstar' can make it to #1 before "Soulja Girl" [sic]

Links:
Soulja Boy [sic] - Crank That (Soulja Boy) [sic]

Playlist of the Century...er...

David Kravetz at Wired.com has been following the RIAA trial of a woman who downloaded a few songs from Kazaa. The woman has been ordered to pay up to the tune of over $222,000 (or, $9,250 per song). Score one for the bad guys.

This is the corporation who was awarded the dubious title of "Most Hated Corporation in America" last year, edging out Cheney's Halliburton.

The most interesting part of this whole thing is, of course... the playlist for which Jammie Thomas was liable!

*Guns N Roses "Welcome to the Jungle"; "November Rain"
*Vanessa Williams "Save the Best for Last"
*Janet Jackson "Let's Wait Awhile"
*Gloria Estefan "Here We Are"; "Coming Out of the Dark"; "Rhythm is Gonna Get You"
*Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"
*Journey "Faithfully"; "Don't Stop Believing"
*Sarah McLachlan "Possession"; "Building a Mystery"
*Aerosmith "Cryin'"
*Linkin Park "One Step Closer"
*Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
*Reba McEntire "One Honest Heart"
*Bryan Adams "Somebody"
*No Doubt "Bathwater"; "Hella Good"; "Different People"
*Sheryl Crow "Run Baby Run"
*Richard Marx "Now and Forever"
*Destiny's Child "Bills, Bills, Bills"
*Green Day "Basket Case"

The lesson here is obvious. If you're going to download music, simply avoid downloading songs that are remotely popular. This list contains four tracks that peaked at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (Bills, Bills, Bills, Iris, Save the Best for Last, and Coming Out of the Dark), not to mention "Basket Case", which went to #1 on the Modern Rock chart, along with chart double-threat "Iris".

The ridiculousness of this situation is hard to overstate... it will do nothing but harm the RIAA's credibility in the eyes of the very people they're selling peddling their wares to. Certainly the RIAA intended to use this poor woman as an example, hoping to incite fear in their consumer base rather than concentrating on re-imagining their business models for the 21st century.

I wonder if anyone is willing to pay $92,500 for the new Radiohead album?

LCD Nixed

The other night I was checking the musical guest on Leno, and to my surprise, the Info box said 'LCD Soundsystem'. I was very excited. So excited, in fact, that I actually watched seconds of Ali Larter and Dane Cook flinging feces at each other as Jay joined in. Then came the welcome break of the commercial... after minutes of channel flipping, the moment had come. This was going to be so cool! Would James Murphy be as drunk as he usually is at the shows? Would the band be 'rocking' it up this evening? Would Win Butler make a surprise appearance? The answers, of course, were moot, because when the commercial ended, Leno introduced not the dance/post-punk combo, but Chris Cornell.

There he was, and I thank Thor that he didn't play Billie Jean (see previous posts). With my last ounce of strength, I shut the TV off as watched Mr. Cornell settle his hand in pocket and begin to croon away. How disappointing.

Prince to sue YouTube

From Wired.

Return to Y2K

Sunday was an interesting night. Britney Spears crashed and burned at the MTV Video Awards, while the Smashing Pumpkins did much of the same at the second and final night at Toronto's Virgin Festival. Corgan and his new lineup played to a typically jaded and unresponsive Toronto audience, save of course when it came to the big hits, which were granted the requisite polite applause. The Pumpkins have a history of reworking their repertoire, and a non-electronic version of '1979' continues the trend. 'Zero' came off as a bit sloppy, though it may have been a 're-imagining' or sorts... a shadow of the former song for a shadow of the former band. The band's usually eclectic additions of covers and teases to their set is also noticeably absent in the band's current incarnation. And despite good intentions, associating 'O Canada' with their new, lackluster track 'United States' is not the way to win over the audience. That was a bit of a joke before about the Pumpkins crashing and burning... as disappointing as it is for Corgan to bring the band back and tarnish what was left of the band's legacy, it's still endlessly watchable and listenable in comparison to the embarrassing sight of the pop industry attempting to revive the career of a chewed up and all-too toasted pop tart.

Links:
Smashing Pumpkins - Virgin Festival setlist, September 9, 2007 [spfc.org]

Oh Timbaland...

Anyone else noticed this?

Timbaland et. al - "Give it to Me"
When Timbo is in the party, everybody put up they hands
I get a half a mil' for my beats, you get a couple gra-an-and
Never gon' see the day that I ain't got the upper hand
I'm respected from Californ-I-A, all the way down to Japan

Timbaland et. al - "The Way I Are"
I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we'll be the perfect soulmates

Writers and lyricists can take on characters during a creative process, but this feels more like a calculated business move than an artistic decision. It would be easier to take if Shock Value had a bit more depth (despite its 17 tracks), but hey, with a couple massive singles and McMoney in the bank, who needs artistic fulfillment?

Give It To Me


The Way I Are

Chris Cornell is not my lover

Here's another one from the 'bad covers' dossier.

Chris Cornell's rendition of one of the most influential pop songs of all time, 'Billie Jean', officially signals the death of irony. Where we might get the sense that Marilyn Manson somewhere, somehow, deep down, way deep down, MM desperately wanted to once again drink from the cup of skirting with self-parodizing, Cornell presents this as a fully-fledged album track.

I really want to give him another chance, I really do. But after the unimpressive Euphoria Morning, and down-in-flames-Zeppelin-crashing (and 5 years later, still one of the ultimate lackluster and unfulfilling titles in rock history) Audioslave, this yawner has got me stunned. The primary author of the grunge-era megasmash Superunknown settles in to mid-age mediocrity and he's probably loving it. But even though he's four bond themes removed from Tina Turner, and with the Billboard AC chart only two albums away, I don't blame him. After his substance struggles and pretty much hitting rock-bottom, it's his right to take the glass of lemonade instead of the Jack.

Links:
Chris Cornell - Billie Jean [Live in Toronto 2007] (Be warned; the audience is embarrassing.)
Artisan News Service: Chris Cornell on Billie Jean
Chris Cornell - You Know My Name
Audioslave - Original Fire

14 weeks and counting...

What a cruel world we live in where Linkin Park's pop-crossover attempt 'What I've Done' as remained at the top of the Billboard Modern Rock chart for 14 straight weeks, unseating Nine Inch Nails' 'Survivalism' after just one week.

Cruel indeed.

Linkin Park has always had a slick, manufactured feel, but this album feels closer to pop than metal (since screaming has become mainstream, that is). The next single 'Bleed it Out' looks poised for a similar run, with its radio-ready guitar hooks and hand claps. I really thought American pop was supposed to be done with payola? Almost makes me yearn for Meteora. Almost... almost.

I'd give the album a proper review, except I don't really care to listen to it, and Dan Silver at NME pretty much summed it up.

However, the medal for Worst Thing I've Heard in 2007 so far is Marilyn Manson's brutal, fucking brutal cover of Timb/a/erlake/land's What Goes Around... I've considered this career choice (and at this point everything for him is a career choice, when you're crawling up from rock bottom) and the only explanation I can come up with is the following thought must have run through his head: "hey, the hipsters like it, and maybe if I cover it I can be hip, too." Unfortunately, the touches of irony that graced his pre-Tainted Love covers are now totally absent and the track comes of as little more than embarrassing. No one would have blamed him for calling it quits after 1999, but it sure seems like that would have been the right career move.
Mechanical Animals is still in my top 250ish favourite albums... a bit bloated, but that was sorta the point.

Links:

Linkin Park - What I've Done
Nine Inch Nails - Survivalism
Marilyn Manson - What Goes Around... [on BBC Radio 1]