Find a way to smile

Every once in a while a band comes along that makes you say "Well, at least things can't get much worse than this", to which the response always is - "Yes, yes it can."

Hedley is that type of band. This mook-fueled puke-fest of a band, cut from very similar cloth to Ruben Studdard, has managed to make Simple Plan seem like a group of mature singer-songwriters. The Canadian Idol excretion's latest single, "Never Too Late", is making its way up the CTV music charts with the steady ease of a third-string Nickelback single.

The best part about the whole thing is their SHOT-BY-SHOT REMAKE of Duran Duran's "Rio" from 1982. I could not make this stuff up if I tried. I wish I could, because then I'd be a very, very rich person... which in Canadian music industry terms amounts to getting pulled over in your Lamb for a DUI.

In any case, I can't see how this tribute (read: ripoff) has anything to do with the British New Wave sensation. If my English language training up to grade four taught me anything, it was how to read. Applying that exact skill of reading to the lyrics of "Never Too Late", and applying the skill of "compare and contrast", we find that the two songs have less in common than ever imagined! Jacob Hoggard's whiny, cold, and calculated attempt at an emo-anthem falls flat on its eye-liner and crushed face.

But if cultural bellwether Wikipedia is any indication, the music-loving public is eating this stuff up - "The video was parodied by Canadian rock band Hedley for their song "Never Too Late."

Tough to top that one.

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Links:

Duran Duran - Rio

Burning out his fuse up here alone

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Mindy McCready has seen more video hits on YouTube in the past couple days than she has seen in the past decade. It turns out that the Rocket Man himself, Roger Clemens, had a "relationship" with the country singer, dating back to his Red Sox days, though it wasn't physical. :|

The gossip mills and sports journalists are going nuts with this one, as the greatest pitcher of all time continues his monumental slide, and things are only going to get much worse.

I'm planning on pitching a reality show, tentatively titled "Rocket of Love".

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Links:
Mindy McCready - Guys Do It All The Time (#1 Billboard Country, Sept. 14, 1996)

Mindy McCready [Wikipedia]

Weezer go commie

Weezer drops a new album in June! Just a few short years back, it looked like the band was done, but here they are, back at square one with a "Buddy Holly"-of-a-single, "Pork and Beans". It's fun to be 15 again.

Indie rock isn't funny

Normally, I enjoy Chris Dahlen's articles, but he's a bit off the mark with his review of the Flight of the Conchords LP. I suppose he expected an album detached from the show, but the "Soundtrack to the HBO series Flight of the Conchords" fine print in the liner notes suggests that could never be the case. If HBO is putting cash into the LP, of course they're going to want their product (the TV show) promoted on the album. The article also suffers the rampant "words-don't-match-rating" that seems to plague Pfork more than any other music publication. 7.2 seems a little high for the ribbing he gives the Kiwi duo... though I think the words SUB POP get any album the site reviews at least an automatic 6.0. (see: Make Up The Breakdown)
The album is pretty much what you'd expect, studio versions of the songs that have appeared on the TV and radio shows, without the added dialogue and sound effects, etc. Studio versions. If you're a fan of the Conchords, the album is a must buy. If you're new to the group, start here. They're the best thing to happen to parody since Weird Al.

Flight of the Conchords - "Think About It"


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In other Pitchfork-related stuff, Pitchfork.tv is pretty sweet.

Links:

Chris Dahlen's website, featuring the Funkulator!

Remember: Piracy funds terrorism

Here's an interesting article about a lil controversy involving Toronto band Crystal Castles, as drawn to my attention by Pitchfork:

Torontoist: Untrust Us

Undisciplined

Trent Reznor must have found his muse, because he's been busy lately. Year Zero and the Saul Williams album last year, Ghosts I-IV already this year, and now it seems there's more music on the way from the Prince of Misery.

Yesterday, during one my hourly checks of nin.com, I was greeted with news that a new track had been released and already out to radio! Cool beans, right? Yeah! AND something big is coming in two weeks... what? Two weeks? The last time he dropped this hint, Ghosts fell from the sky! Yeah! Awesome, right?

Well, yes, until the track started playing. Yikes. I hope this isn't what the rest of a possible album sounds like. I think a NIN ripoff band could have put together a more inventive track. It sounds like something axed from Year Zero early on... the hook is weak and the song never really gets to where it wants to go. It's half of "Hand That Feeds" with a little James Blunt false start thrown in for good measure. The other half is a murky mess left behind from the Ghosts sessions.

My guess is that whatever comes in two weeks will be some kind of a remix project/album. "Discipline" is way too pedestrian for Mr. Reznor, which gives me the impression that from here on in, he'll be doing half the songwriting and letting the fans do the rest.

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Links:

NIN.com
NIN Hotline

*drools

Via Boingboing:
Electronic Gospel: David Byrne and Brian Eno reuniting for new album, live shows...

A Eno/Byrne tour with 40% Talking Heads material? Oh man! This is as good as it gets! Except for the part about the rest of TH probably not joining the two eggheads on the road. Maybe it's revenge for the ill-advised No Talking, Just Head album. In any case, start saving your pennies.

David Byrne interviews self (audio sucks):



Also:
Patton Oswalt and David Byrne

This blog now written by Bon Jovi

Wired blog: Major-Label Money Could Taint Music Blogs

"if it's done the wrong way, people could flee to music blogs that are not partially owned by one of the labels that owns the music reviewed on the site."

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This could definitely be the next evolution of the music label... combine this with tiered Internet services and it might be a bit tougher to find underground music. We might even have to go into physical record stores and talk to human beings to be introduced to new music! Can you imagine?


Links:

Billboard - UMG Backs Buzznet

Indestructible Huxtable

CBC: Bill Cosby to release hip-hop album

His album is "the opposite of what I think is the profanity for no particular reason, the misogyny for no particular reason," he said. "It really looks at the frustration and the anger that a young man may have."

I hope this turns out as well as Mr. T's rap career.

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Links:

Mr. T - Treat Your Mother Right

Bleeding #1

Recent chart topper Leona Lewis sings on "Bleeding Love", a track with some deliciously crisp pop production. The song's retro-chic feel, filtered through the best damn compressors and plug-ins since the last listenable Kelly Clarkson album, puts this song in the early running for 'song of the summer' status. It's no coincidence that the last time a British female singer topped the Billboard Hot 100, it was 1987, and another bunch of cheques were made out to "Holland-Dozier-Holland".

The new trend for chart toppers seems to be "Two Boys for Every Girl".

Mariah Carey just surpassed Elvis as the artist with the second most chart topping tracks in the US, just behind the Beatles. This pegs the diva-turned-siren as the most popular American solo artist ever... which also means that Mariah Carey is the Queen of Pop. Not Madonna. She can be the unholy saint, charlatan, or super-tramp (not to be confused with the band,Supertramp) of Pop. That's it. Madonna only has 12 #1 songs. She's a pretender to the throne. And as much money as she has, it's going to be quite a task for her to catch up to Mimi. The only reason Madge has the title at all is because of her age, which she shows more and more these days...

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Links:

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love [US Version]
Mariah Carey - Touch My Body

NACDA

Dear Canadian leaders and bankers,

Thank you for your continued support of the North American Free Trade Agreement. This is, without question, the best strategy for getting Celine Dion albums distributed throughout the hemisphere.

Also, how's that plan going for preservin' Stompin' Tom's brain?

See you at the G8.

Matt

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From the James Cameron-produced behemoth Titanic, Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On".

As always, the following content is NSFW:

Yesterday's gone!

Don't Stop - Chiliwack
Don't Stop - Fleetwood Mac
Don't Stop - Jeffrey Osborne
Don't Stop - Stone Roses
Don't Stop the Music - Playa
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough - Michael Jackson
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
This Train Don't Stop Here Anymore - Elton John

Club danger

Here's a tripped-out video from alternative hip-hop artist and CBC radio host Buck 65, from his 1957-themed album, "Situation."

Fake book titles #4

Druxy's Midnight Runner: The Ruben Studdard Story

Notorious H.I.T.

Here's a tasteless, hilarious mashup. The kind that most normal people would never attempt. The kind that sends mothers and children running for the hills. Enjoy.

Ju-No

Didn't watch the Junos. I haven't watched an award show yet this year... why start now?

Calling out Timbaland

People give Nickelback a bad rap for writing the same song over and over, but Timbaland is definitely guilty of the same crime.

First, here's the track he produced for Madonna, featuring one of his puppets-du-jour, Justin Timberlake. Listen to the chorus.

Bear in mind, the "official" video hasn't been released yet... I recommend the following should be picked up as the official video, like the way that Apple fan video became an official commercial for the iPhone or whatever it was.



Now, here's "Elevator" as sung by Flo-rida. Listen to the chorus.



I know! What was he thinking?

And all that we ever do is play the machine-chine-chine

In case you missed it... Zapp band/Off the Wall video spoof from Snoop.

And yes, it's supposed to look like that.

You know it's time to quit when...

This might have been hot 20 years ago... then again, the "SEX" book was supposed to be sexy. We can only imagine what further horrors the so-called Queen of Pop will be unleashing on us next.

I seriously want to know who is buying this stuff. Seriously. This is a travesty of unparalleled proportions... Pharrell and Timbaland supply most of the beats on the new album. Apparently Rick Rubin wasn't available.





Also:

Iggy Pop & the Stooges paying tribute to Madonna

Vocal revolver

Train wreck Scott Weiland finally gets his due, and is axed from GNR Jr. I guess when it comes to rehab issues, "it takes one to know one" fits perfectly here. Not that Scott really cares about the gig, as he's about to head off on a jaunt with his other band, the one that should have been packed away the second the 90s were over.

Slash, Chris Cornell is waiting for your call!

How the hell did he wind up like this?

From the good ol' CBC: Nickelback singer convicted of drunk driving in B.C.

"The Canadian rock star was caught driving a Lamborghini in Surrey in June 2006 while his blood alcohol level was almost twice the legal limit."

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If I had a Lamborghini and thousands and thousands of dollars, I'd definitely be driving around like a moron, cranking "Rockstar" and sending Avril a TXT about the after party on Friday night.

Something tells me that Chad is not too worried about the fine, nor the fact that his driver might have to work a little harder in the coming months.

Hilarious: Nickelback Doesn't Change
Though, to be fair, "How You Remind Me" has been slowed down a bit here...